What's a Girl to Do?
by Starbuckkitty
Summary: Sometimes things don't go quite as planned. MirKag. Starts off really angsty, but does become light hearted later on.
1. Kagome

Disclaimer: I own a Playstation and a computer. Not much else.

** Every Girl Needs a Good Cry **

She sits on a hill over looking a small valley, the grass dampening her skirt. She has long since learned to ignore this. It is not the horror her contemporary friends view it as.

Her vision blurs a bit as she gazes out at the children playing some sort of game. Their young bodies soaking up the sun as they run from place to place.

In 500 years, where she is sitting will be the steps to her families shrine. Those children would be running carelessly in the middle of a busy road, the old woman who runs the fruit market yelling at them about the dangers of the city. Kagome lets a soft chuckle escape at the antics in her mind.

Perhaps that is why she chooses this spot over and over again. An attempt to glimpse her old life, if even for a second.

The well is now closed, and she would be the first to admit that she was homesick and lonely. She was disappointed that she never got the chance to say goodbye. After all her work, hadn't she earned at least that much? Maybe this was her punishment for breaking the jewel in the first place. She did not however, think of her family and friends as dead like so many of the others. She clung to the idea that even though she would never see them again, they would later be born, and so, still had their whole lives ahead of them.

She tried to take comfort in the fact that there were people here who cared for her as if she were their own family. People who understood. A delicate finger absentmindedly wiped away a stray tear. After all, good friends are simply family you get to choose. The children now seemed to be playing freeze-tag. A game she had taught them long ago between journeys. A rustle of fabric and a familiar jingle of rings approached closely to her left. Silence.

"May I join you, Kagome?"

Torn between politeness and her desire to continue her internal self pity, she conceded. After all he wouldn't have accepted "no" as an answer anyway.

She hazards a glance in his direction from beneath her lashes. He slowly adjusts his robes as he sits, and she wonders for the millionth time if they are as cumbersome and annoying as they sometimes seem.

She returns her gaze to the children. There was a time when her heart felt that light.

"You seem to spend a lot of time up here as of late." So he was going to skip the pleasantries. ,"It reminds you of home?"

For a second her breath caught.

"Yes. Yes, it does." Her mind pleaded with him to leave it alone. To be content with just that.

"You know Kagome, it is perfectly normal to grieve."

She could feel him looking at her, yet her gaze refused to leave the children. Silence stretched between them as her eyes attempted to fight off his words. Her hands returned to her face to erase the tears. Her eyes had lost.

"No, it isn't." She admitted before she could regain composure. "It's not okay."

From the corner of her eye she could see him studying her, as though he was looking at a part of her buried so deeply that only he knew it was there.

"Kagome," Her name a sigh," You have always been so strong for all of us. Taking on everyone else's problems with a smile. It's time to let us be strong for you."

"They are not dead, Miroku." Her tongue felt heavy, and her heart felt angry.

She felt a warm callused hand softly grip her own, "Our hearts grieve for more then just death."

And she cried. She cried for her mother, who would never know she was alright. She cried for her brother, who she would never see grow into a man. She cried for grandpa, who would spend countless months trying to unseal the well. Her tears turned into sobs. Her lungs fighting for air. No more bubble bath, soft pillows or real beds. No more Odon.

She clutched at something in front of her, and held on with everything she had as her heart relaxed, and her sobs slowly stopped. Her grip slackened and she briefly wondered what she had been holding onto. A hand wrapped with beads he couldn't seem to part with, rubbed small circles between her shoulder blades, feeling as though they were massaging out some of the knots in her heart. The heavy weave of his robes pressing into her cheek.

"Thank you." She murmured into his chest.

His hands still remained consoling.


	2. Sango

Not a month had passed since Naraku's defeat, when Sango began noticing the changes. Small little things at first. Miroku would follow after Kagome when a fight with Inuyasha left her in tears. His calm demeanor and flawless advice comforting the girl in a way she never could.

Recently Miroku had been assisting Keade in Kagome's spiritual training. More often then not, the two of them could be found in Kaede's garden. Kagome, pointing out various herbs and listing the remedies they are associated with. Miroku, occasionally interjecting, adding bits of wisdom for his own training. He never hesitated to help Kagome add to her lexicon whenever they encountered an herb with which she was unfamiliar. Huddled together, slightly closer then what might be socially appropriate. Both enthralled with nature and caught up in the beauty of knowledge.

Other times would find the two wondering about the village. With the death of Naraku, the group had no shortage of free time. It was in these moments however, that Sango would feel the fleeting ping of jealously. The idea of their potential conversations sparking her curiosity. After all, aside from relevant information no one really knew too much about any other group member. Sango thought back on all the exchanges she had shared with Miroku, and sadly realized that her knowledge about the young monk did not include much personal information. This brought her to an even more shocking truth.

She was going to lose him. Surprisingly this thought was not as heart breaking as she thought it should be. Often times she would watch him from across the cooking fire as he prepared tea and wonder if it was ever real. Had she ever really thought about what would happen once the jewel was completed? Were all their plans merely stories they would tell one another to mask the very real fear that they might not succeed? Or were all those plans made just to make us feel alive? As though there were something more then hardship and battles in our future.

With a sigh she threw her gaze across the field to an over animated Kitsun. Either way none of that mattered now. The now she never really thought that she would have. Sango glanced up into the tree branches searching out the vivid red indicating the lounging half demon. He was tense. Even without a sworn enemy, he longed for the action of battle. The surge of power that erupts from his core. He is not suited to common life. He will never be happily "settled down".

Sango understood the feeling. She herself was longing to charge down a demon and feel her own power spring forth. And then, her mouth began to move on its own.

"You know Inuyasha, our skills are suffering the longer we just sit around."

Silence

"Whether through battle or practice, I have always worked to keep the tradition of my village. I may be the only one left, but the country-side still needs demon slayers."

This at least received an interested grunt.

"So I was thinking that in times like now, we could spare, and when we are needed the two of us could travel out, eradicate various problem demons, and return."

A very pregnant silence hung in the air this time. Sango could hear him shifting about and weighing his options.

"What about the others?"

"If they wanted they could joined us", Sango paused for a moment collecting her thoughts, "But Kagome has her training, and Miroku, although skilled, really seems to enjoy peace more then battle. Especially more so now that the wind tunnel is gone and he is no longer fighting to live."

"We'll still ask 'em. They say yeah, we set out as before. They say no." another pause, "They say no, and we'll use this as base, just as we always have."

"Yeah."

Sango started as she glanced to her right, nearly jumping out of her skin. Half demon or no, it was eerie how stealthy Inuyasha could move sometimes. Startling a demon slayer was no easy task.

"So, when do you wanna ask 'em?", Inuyasha prodded. Evidentially more excited about the prospect then he was planning on letting on.

"I'll speak with Miroku tonight after dinner. I have some other things to discuss with him as well." Nerves began to take over, and she found her hands were sweating.

"Okay then, I'll speak with Kagome about it."

"Okay then." Sango stood and slowly made her way back towards Keade's. Her Mind repeatedly sounding out different ways to ask someone 'So do you still think we should get married?' After all, Miroku hadn't mentioned it once since Naraku's death.

Sorry it took so long. I couldn't figure out whose point of veiw this piece was coming from. Please review, it makes me happier than warm cookies!


	3. Kagome's Enlightenment

It could never be said that Kagome was a girl of few words. Actually, she had quite a few choice words she would like to use at the present moment, some more colorful then others.

Regardless, she kept her mouth shut, and watched Inuyasha through narrowed eyes as he attempted with all his grace to explain the situation. Even with points for trying he was still in the negative numbers. The more he prodded on the more grating his voice became. Finally, she had to speak up or her lungs were going to explode.

"So, essentially what you are saying is that although Miroku and I are invited out on this little demon killing adventure with you and Sango, it would be better all around if we stayed behind?"

Inuyasha began blindly stammering his way through a half hearted denial. She could see his eyes pleading with her to understand. That was the moment something with in her snapped, and the tears began. Slowly at first, then streams. Not a single sob erupted forth, and for that she was grateful. For if she became more worked up she would lose her nerve.

As Inuyasha stared at her waiting for some reply, Kagome reached over and pulled the string of beads up over his head. Her eyes closing as she clutched them. Her hand beginning to bleed.

"I'm so sorry, Inuyasha, for not doing this sooner. You're free."

But Inuyasha didn't budge. He didn't breath. In fact, all that he seemed able to do was gawk openly at Kagome.

"You see, all this time I thought that these beads created a link between us. A bond. But I've realized that while for me they are a connection, for you they are a leash.", Yet more tears streamed down her face as she summoned up all her courage to do what she knew she needed to do. "All we do is argue. We fight, and scream and yell, and then you get sat. You should be free to do with your life whatever it is that you want. Should that include me, I would be overjoyed. If not, I'll just have to understand."

Her blood shot eyes opened in time to watch him walk away. Not a word.

Gut wrenching sobs bent her over, finally wracking her graceful frame. However, she did not regret her words or actions. It was all true. And even though he had been her first real love, and as such she would always love him, she knew that they had no future together. Their arguments and harsh words merely reinforced that.

She sat in that field by the well for a long while, staring out into space and calming her nerves. The chill of the fall night finally driving her back to the warmth of Kaede's hut.


	4. Kagome's Tough Love

A shiver ran its course up Kagome's spine. It was a nasty winter this year. Luckily, it should soon be spring, and although the cold was still quite harsh, the snow was slowly receding. She closed her eyes and imagined the beautiful flowers that would soon be poking through, bringing color to the bleak and desolate area.

Kagome pulled her arms in a bit tighter to herself in an attempt to fight off the cold. She berated herself for once again wishing for the winter conveniences of her own time. It would do her no good. This was her era now, and to think of the world of her birth would only serve to lead her down a long heartrending path of memories. She knew that one day she would be able to reminisce with out tears, but that day was not now.

A knife like breeze hit her with a violent force as Miroku pushed aside the reed "door". As cold as she was, her heart wilted at the sight of him, for Miroku looked frozen through.

"Good lord! Miroku-sama, come over here by the fire!" Kagome scurried over to him, and with arms on his shoulders she guided him toward her previous toasty seat.

"Thank you, Kagome-sama." His eyes continually fighting a losing battle for focus. Exhaustion setting in quickly now that he was sitting still for a moment. Kagome regarded the man in a way that made his soul feel bare. Her joints felt old and frosted over, as she took a seat next to him.

"Miroku-sama, you have to stop this." Her continued stare into his lifeless eyes boosting her courage, "If you continue on in this manner you are going to kill yourself, and I can no longer merely stand by and watch you!"

His response was delivered in what had become his usual dead-pan manner. He no longer even attempted to hide his sorrow. "Continue on in what manner, Kagome-sama. For I assure you that I am merely carrying out my duties as a Monk, nothing more."

"Don't play stupid!" Her jaw hardened and her tone gained a harshness it formerly lacked. "You know exactly what I'm talking about. You don't eat, you don't sleep. You stay out long hours in this hideous weather. I don't know what you are trying to accomplish with all this. Whether it is redemption, or if you are trying to prove something to yourself. I can't just stand by idol and watch you destroy yourself any longer. Please, talk to me! You're not the only one who is feeling their absences. You're not the only one to have had your heart broken by someone whom you trusted and loved. Please! I don't want to see you like this any more! Please!"

Her voice had slowly died out. Her breath coming in uneven bursts as she held back her tears. Slowly regaining her composure, she worried that all she had managed was to drive him further into himself. Until she saw a tear. A single tear that he had been unable to hold back. Gently she placed a hand upon his shoulder. She had only seen Miroku shed tears once. Though all their battles and hardships. Near death experiences and utter destruction they had witnessed. Upon Naraku's death his curse had ended, and with the realization that he was going to live, he had sobbed.

His arm wrapped around her as though she were going to walk away like the others. His fingers securely holding her arm, pulling her to himself.

His body tensed, clearly surprised by the fact that she hadn't pulled away. Her doe eyes still searching his. For the first time in the six months since Sango and Inuyasha left on their little adventure his eyes held something. Some emotion she had never seen there previously. For during their travels, Miroku had been exceedingly good at keeping his mask in place, always seeming cheerful and full of life. Even though, by evidence of his tears upon Naraku's death, he had been constantly aware of his impending death. Then once Sango and Inuyasha left, his eyes simply became empty. As lifeless and vague as Kanna's.

Kagome herself had not been in much better shape, and she could easily have fallen down the same path had it not been for Shippo. The fox kit needed her, and so she forced herself to accept the situation and move on, even though it had been the hardest thing in the world to do. She berated herself for not seeing sooner that Miroku had needed her as well.

She sent him a smile as she identified the curious emotion. Self-consciousness. She squeezed him tighter, snuggling her head into his neck.

"You're wrong."

The sudden words startled her, and if not for the arm holding her tightly to him, she would have jumped. "What am I wrong about?"

"I believe that you are under the impression that this is entirely about my relationship with Sango. In a way, I suppose that holds a partial truth. The end of Sango and my relationship was mutual. We both felt ourselves fitting together less and less, until eventually, we didn't. I have been trying to 'prove myself' as you put it." A silence fell, however Kagome could not bring herself to end it. It was already more information than the monk had volunteered in a long while. She relaxed further into his strong frame. After all, it had been months since they had held a real conversation. She could wait a little while longer.

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